Kaalamang Kaliweteng Kaaliw:
> kasalukuyang nasa Male, Maldives
> iniluwal noong agosto 26, 1982
> menopausal baby so borderline retard... hehehe
> di kumakain ng bawang, sibuyas, luya, popcorn, halo-halo
> humaling na humaling sa mga tala at buwan
> isang hikain
> mabubuhay sa kahit anong klase ng pansit o noodle at siomai!
me and my daughter, "Kitchie"
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Monday, April 18, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
Trisha moved to the new house today so it's just me and Maya left in the room. It's a big issue with some of the girls because there are some girls who did not request to be moved that will be transfered to the new place and girls who requested to be transfered who will be staying at the old staff houses. It's crazy. They make decisions here without considering the girls. Snap, stay. Snap, move. I just wish they attempted to even explain how they made their decisions to the girls to avoid talks and issues. Sigh. You can't win them all, as people say. Eventually, they will learn and become better.
Anyhoo, so many things are happening at work. Of course I can not divulge any of it here but let me just tell you that my friend, Dell, was correct when she said that it's a small company with BIG drama. True to the nth level of that statement... PLUS, this job would have been the most perfect job of all if it weren't for one person. The bane of almost everyone's existence here. I will be praying for that person. One day, someday... That person will learn. Enough about that person though. My world will continue revolving with that person in it or not. I will stay positive and focused and make the best of what God has given me. There's a reason for everything, right? I'm here because I serve a purpose. What is it, I don't know yet but God will reveal it to me when it's time. Like the saying goes, when life gives you lemons... make lemonade. Or something like that. ;-) I will be still be amazing. Period.
It's funny, Kitchie. In a place full of Filipinas, you would think that everyone gets along because we're in a different country and we should look to each other for encouragement and friendship, right? No. Unfortunately, that's not the case with some of the women here (not all, ok? just some). They're the ones who quarrel among themselves over the simplest things. There's gossip and rumors flying around. It's not just with Filipinas, I think. It's human nature. Women will be women. They will scratch, claw, drag, pull anyone and everyone who get in their way... Sigh. That's life. Quoting my previous boss: "Shit happens. Cut the crap. Move on. Let go..." I will get used to this and I will make a difference. Hopefully. Hahahaha.
I wonder what kind of person you would be when you grow up. Will you be rebellious and disobey everything I will tell you? Will you be friendly and happy and optimistic? Will you be pessimistic and pensive and emo? I wonder... I will try my best to raise you as a happy child. Since we're not that affluent, I can't promise you that I will be able to give you every single thing that you want but I promise that I will give you everything you need to grow up as a God-fearing, decent, educated, well-rounded young woman. Just like how Nana raised me. :) My verse for you is one that you will find in Proverbs. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
I miss you so much, Kitchie. I can not wait until the day that I can hold you in my arms again...
Love forever,
Mama
Posted at 04:37 am by hiddenteardrop
Friday, April 15, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
Today is New Year's Day for Sri Lankans and we went to a colleagues house to celebrate with them. There was food and most everyone were from work as well. It was nice seeing them in a different way though.
Anyway, dada and I were chatting earlier and I'm really worried about him. He's frustrated about something and I can't do anything to make him feel better. I pray that he will not dwell too much on the thoughts that are getting him down and that he would stay positive. You pray for dada too, ok? He sometimes gets like that so we have to be there for him and keep him happy so that the sad thoughts will leave him alone, ok baby?
You know how I knew that dada was THE ONE? Because he was my answered prayer. When I was young, we were taught at church that we should pray for our future partners. We should be specific in our prayers about the person we want to be with without naming names. I didn't pray for someone handsome or rich or had a great bod. I remembered that I prayed for someone I will be comfortable with... someone who can make me laugh and will make me smile at the end of a dragging day, who will take care of me and treat me like a princess, who will stay beside me and explore the world with me, who will listen when I have something to say even if it's stupid, someone who will love me for me and will see me for what I can be, who can reason with me without raising his voice and challenge my opinions, who will try to understand my twisted views about life in general... Dada saw me when I was invisible. He saw me at my worst and still loved me. I'm not an easy person to love. I am complicated, demanding, paranoid, psychotic, sensitive, irresponsible and unromantic but he still chose to be with me and for that I will be forever grateful... for loving me just as I am, faults and all.
We aren't perfect. We fight but we always work things out. Dada has his faults too but he's a work in progress. So am I. The cool thing about us is that we're both trying to improve for each other and we complement each other so well. He's my bestfriend. I can tell him anything and we talk all the time about everything that we have in mind. I love hanging out with him and just being with him. We never get tired of each other and I think as partners, that's really something special. When day in and day out, you still look forward to being together after just being together! And you can spend days, weeks, months, years apart but still go back to what it was before... it's sooooooo hard to be away from him but I know in my heart that he's always with me and I trust him completely.
I don't think I will ever love any other man as much as I love him. We are blessed because we're part of him, beb.Your father is a good man, great actually. He loves you very much. The first few weeks of you being born, he was already in love with you. Which took some time for me. Haha. He couldn't take his eyes off you and is always doting on you. Right now, it's you and dada there and that's not easy. At this point, you're really a handful but dada's doing an amazing job. When you're older, you probably won't remember him spending this much time with you but let me tell you this... You're his new world. Before, his world revolved around me. Now, it revolves around you. :) I don't mind. Mine revolves around you as well! Haha.
Can you kiss dada for me now? Then tell him that I will always love him until my very last breath and that I will never, ever forget every single memory that I have of us and it will be my greatest treasure. Both of you are my life and I miss you terribly.
Love forever,
Mama
Posted at 04:35 am by hiddenteardrop
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
How are you, baby? Dada told me earlier that he made you a house out of the big box that we have and that you have been fixing it up with papers and paint. That's very good, beb. I'm glad that you're creative. Will you be like me, I wonder? ;-)
I was supposed to go to another resort tomorrow but I was bumped off because of work. Was I disappointed? A little. Only because I was looking forward to seeing the resort coz I heard so much about it but... as I say, the only thing you can always count on is change. There'll always be changes in our lives and you have to learn to live with it. Sometimes you'll get hurt or disappointed because you were expecting something but it didn't happen or something totally unexpected happens instead BUT that's the beauty of life, right? If everything was predictable then it wouldn't be living anymore... Plus, even if things don't go as you planned, everything will, eventually, work themselves out. You just have to be patient. When something happens that you don't exactly like, thank God for the different opportunity and pray that He helps you see what He wants for you. We don't know what will happen tomorrow but keep in mind that God allows things to happen for a reason. We may not know what they are right away but we will... Bad things happen in life, Kitchie. Often outright evil things to good people but don't lose hope. In darkness, there is light... After the rain, the sun shines again. Learn to look for the silver lining and you will be alright.
Maya and I have been talking earlier about what we plan to do when we get home. I was telling her how I was going to surprise you and everyone and not tell you guys that I'm coming home. Hehe. Just like what I did when I surprised dada one time and didn't tell him I was coming home for christmas. I was working in Cebu that time. I can still remember how his face lit up when he saw me... Anyway, Maya asked what I would do when we get home and the first thought that entered my mind was... I would eat at Jollibee! Hahahaha. I miss pansit palabok and chicken joy! There's no fastfood joint here in Male. I don't particularly like their food because it's too spicy for me. I just miss pinoy food... I wish nana would send me a care package with lots of Lucky Me Pancit Canton! Haha. So... after we eat at Jollibee then I'll go home to Sta. Rosa and surprise you and everyone! I just pray that dada would still be there. He plans to work abroad too, you know. Sorry if we're going to be leaving you alone with nana and tita te for a while, beb. It's not even certain yet but it'll be easier for dada and me to save if we're both working at the same time. You will be going to school soon and it's not cheap to send a child to a good school... I hope you will someday understand. I don't plan to stay here long anyway. I'm just gonna finish my contract then I'll be back home with you then we'll have all the time in the world to be a family...
Will you remember me when I get home? The mere thought of you not coming near me breaks my heart... it's a possibility though. You'll be closer to dada, nana and tita te than me and I'd be so jealous of that. I will miss so much in one year... it's a fact but there's nothing I can do about it anymore since I'm already away. I just need to make sure that I am still part of your life even when I'm miles and miles away. Dada told me that you still include me in your prayers and that you say goodnight to me before you go to sleep... I miss you so much, my baby. I close my eyes when I can't sleep and I picture your face in my mind... Your eyes... How your dimple shows when you smile... Your lips when you pout... Your nose... The feel of your hands when you hold mine... The warmth of your body when I hug you... Your weight when I carry you in my arms... The smell of your hair when you snuggle next to me when we sleep... It's cliche but it is true that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I've been taking you for granted and I get impatient with you and get angry with you over the smallest things and now I'm far away and I can't get those days back... I was never a believer of regrets until now that I'm far from you. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and just be with you again... but I'm too positive to be regretful. Hehehe. I learned from all those moments and I am a better person because of everything that I've been through. I will be a better mom to you and a better wife to dada. I promise.
Sigh. Enough sadness for tonight. I don't think I've cried yet over homesickness and I don't plan to! Haha. I just focus on you and the day that I'm back home with you and it's enough to get me through the day... You're my life, Kitchie. I am so blessed that God chose me to be your mother and that He has blessed you with so many gifts. We'll explore those gifts and make sure that we offer it all back to God so He can use your talents for His glory and so that people will be blessed through you.
I am thinking of you always. Kiss dada for me!
Love you most,
Mama
Posted at 04:34 am by hiddenteardrop
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
Today I went to a very nice resort that reminded me of home. It's just like one of the fancy resorts we have in Batangas but 10x more fabulous! :) We went there in the afternoon and it was quite hot when we started to tour the place but the best thing was... our host! She talks a mile a minute, is funny and bubbly. I enjoyed listening to her talk about the resort and I learned a lot about the property. It was obvious she liked the resort a lot and that she enjoys her job. I was really expecting the worst because I know someone who went here who said the property wasn't nice but I was surprised because it was beautiful. The water bungalows are just right for couples who want intimacy, the water villas and suite are the best rooms for me but you don't have direct access to the beach although you have a view of the lagoon... and it's spectacular especially during sunrise and sunset! If you want beach access then you should stay on the land suites. It's your typical deluxe room with a king bed but it feels really comfy plus you get the Maldivian style open-air bathroom that everybody here raves about. Like our guide said, "There's something about taking a bath in the open" Haha.
Oh, I almost forgot their best rooms. The ocean villas. Operative word being "villas". Think resthouse in Anvaya... That's exactly what it looked like. Not the entire house though. A bedroom, spacious open-air bathroom, walk-in closet, then a veranda with a view of the ocean... no beach access again but it's very nearby. Very fancy rooms and very high-tech too. They have to check-in the guests personally to explain how the room works! Really sweet.
Then, of course, the food! Yummy! First off, we had cocktails while watching the sun set with the Managing Director who looked like a big boned Mel Gibson. I was waiting for him to shout "Freedom!" the entire time. Hehe. Didn't have alcohol though since I was kinda hungry and I didn't want to get drunk. We then moved to a different restaurant to have dinner. We started with freshly-baked bread and olive oil with a choice of flavored salt. I liked the one with rosemary. Then our entree was fresh tuna with cucumber, horse radish and fish eggs. It looked so pretty I didn't want to eat it. I don't eat raw fish but I didn't want to be rude so I ate half of it. :) By now, they have already given us all champagne. I think it was called Souvignon Blanc or something. Crisp and warm but not too strong. Perfect for dinner and small talk. Next came the appetif... sweet pork spare ribs with pickled veggies. The spare ribs were tender and the sweetness complemented the sourness of the veggies. Since I came here, that's only the 2nd time that I've eaten pork and I really enjoyed it. Our main course was a choice between spicy grilled chicken with cuscus, tenderloin with gravy, fried reef fish with pepper sauce & lime with a side of fresh greens, fried potatoes and cheese & tomato salad. I was so full by the time it ended! But wait... there's still dessert. And, of course, it is still the best part of the meal. I think they call it "Chocolate Death". Hahaha. There was homemade dark chocolate ice cream on a dark chocolate cup, hot chocolate pudding with caramelized cornflakes and what looked like a chocolate pudding cake with a milky jelly topping. We couldn't get up! Hahaha. I joked how the resort got its name about how we're so FULL we looked like MOONS. ;)
The trip home was uneventful. Tomorrow, I will finally have a day off. I will spend the day resting and sleeping. Maybe I'll do some laundry if I feel like moving. Hehehe.
One more thing. An image I will never forget and will forever bother me. One of our colleagues took a bath with 4 of us right in the bathroom with her! As in, one minute she was dressed the next she was fully naked! Hahaha. No qualms at all and no notice given! Crazy girl... I was flabbergasted.
Anyway, this has been an awesome day. Two thumbs up to that property and I will make sure that I mention how nice it is to my future trainees so they can sell the resort to our clients.
I still missed you and dada but it wasn't painful anymore. I actually had fun for the first time... I am thinking of you right now, baby. Goodnight for now.
Love forever,
Mama
Posted at 04:31 am by hiddenteardrop
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
Today was a very tiring day a work. I was so frustrated because I was doing something earlier and I couldn't access the sites. Arghs! I didn't finish the presentations I wanted to finish... hopefully, I can do it by tomorrow.
I was chatting with dada earlier and he told me that you don't drink from the bottle anymore. You know how dada did it? He put cheese spread on your bottle and told you it was rat poop! Hahaha. Isn't he devious? At long last! I've been trying to wean you for a long time... I never even thought of that. I hope you're still drinking your milk though. I told dada that you should drink once when you wake up and right before you go to bed.
He also told me you're playing Dora on the computer now. That's great, beb. Just make sure that you don't play in front of the computer for the whole day, ok? It's not healthy. You should go out and play outside with the other kids. That's how you build relationships. When I get home I'll teach you the games that Tita Te and I played while growing up. I wonder if you still play "kitchen" and "cooking". I saw lots of nice toy stores here. I'm gonna get you one toy each month so that when I come home you'll have 12 toys to open! They also have pretty princess dresses here but it's expensive so I won't buy, ok? We'll just buy your princess outfit when I'm there.
I went to a book fair near our flat and I loved that they had a classics section. It was all new books though and hardbound so it was expensive and I didn't buy which made me feel really bad cause they were awesome books. I saw Jane Eyre, Moby Dick, Pride & Prejudice, short stories from Charles Dickens, Guy de Maupassant and Fyodor Dostoevsky. I wonder if you will also like reading when you grow up, what do you think? I think the first thing I bought you was a book when you were just a few months old. I so want to share reading with you, Kitchie. I can't explain how much fun and fulfilling reading can be. It's the best thing you will ever learn doing without any effort. :-)
I'm going on a trip tomorrow and I wish you and dada were here with me. I bet the place will be awesome, like the first resort I visited. I just hope I don't feel as sad as last time. :-)
I love you, my baby. I miss you so much and be a good little girl. When you look up at night and you see the moon and the stars, think of me, ok? Remember that we're sleeping under the same sky and I am thinking of you across the miles.
Brush your teeth! Eat veggies and drink your milk.
Love forever,
Mama
Posted at 04:28 am by hiddenteardrop
Friday, April 08, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
It has been one month and one day since I arrived here in Male. I am still adjusting to the place, people and job. It has been very eventful at work recently. Someone at work got punished for not adhering to our contract. Lesson learned? Don't take anything for granted and when you write, never use brands. Hehe. Or use names of real people. :D Anyway, I'm hoping for the best for her. Cross your fingers!
This has been a very sad day for your Tita Maya. She broke up with her boyfriend and it's hurting her. She decided to end their relationship because she couldn't feel her BF doing anything for them. I told her to not make sudden decisions but she has made up her mind. It's really difficult to sustain a long distance relationship, baby. Very few people survive the test of time and distance. People are needy beings. When those needs are not met, they feel unhappy and look for it in other people. They are insatiable. The sad thing is sometimes, they don't know what they have until it's gone. By then, it's too late to take back what's been said and done. So, remember to not make decisions when you are upset or angry. Don't say anything in anger. Calm yourself first then breathe then think before you act or speak. Words are very powerful. It's a double-edged sword, like the Bible described it. Be very careful with it.
So, your Tita Maya was crying because she feels desolate. All her life she's been looking for that kind of feeling. For someone who makes her feel special, loved, wanted at the same time treats her like an equal and adores her. I cringed when she said, "My fairy tale has ended..." I could feel her sadness but I couldn't do anything about it. I don't know the guy's side. It's not fair to think that he's not doing any thing to keep the relationship going but he's certainly not making any effort to make her think otherwise. He texts her but that's about it. I think there were days when he went out of his way just so they could chat online so I'll give him points for that. I told her all of that but she said she didn't want to keep on expecting. She printed his picture when we were just a week here and earlier she tore it apart... I almost shed a tear when she did it because I could feel her heart tearing the same time the paper was... I didn't know how to comfort her or what to tell her. I couldn't say it was gonna be OK because I don't know if it will still be ok after today... I tried to make her laugh but even my antics didn't work. She did say, "All is well" before she said goodnight, so that's a good sign. Maybe I should have prayed with her, noh? I'll do that tomorrow.
I haven't been sleeping well lately. I guess I'm just missing you and dada so much. Dada earlier said that he had to snatch the phone from you because you were playing with it and you told him "I'm texting Mama!". Haha. You're such a silly baby and I love you so much.
I think I'll be writing more often. When I write to you, I feel better automatically. :) I can feel my stress level going down a notch. Hahaha. I'm just kidding. I'm not stressed at all. I'm just tired because I'm on my 8th day of work and I really need a day off but I still have to finish something at work and I can't not do it because I have to meet a deadline.
Kiss Dada for me and tell him that I love him very much and that I will never love any other man other than him... Take care of yourself. Drink your vitamins, brush your teeth, read your bible, pray before you sleep, don't eat chocolates and be nice to other people, ok? Mama loves you!
Love forever,
Mama
Posted at 04:26 am by hiddenteardrop
Friday, April 01, 2011
Dear Kitchie,
Tonight I went out for coffee for the first time with my room mates. The thing about this place, beb, is that Filipino women are quite popular. It's a fad amongst the local men to "date" Filipinas. It started a few years back when some "spas" were opened here in Male and they offered shady services. I don't exactly know how "shady" shady is but I know it made an impact on the men and now, all they want to do is date Filipinas. The bad thing is, some (I'm not saying ALL) Filipinas take advantage of this and go out with these Maldivians so they can get stuff for free. They're very generous people so if they're courting someone then they give you almost anything you ask for. Phones, chocolates, gadgets, money, clothes... name it.(They even offer marriage sometimes just so they can get in your pants! No kidding. Divorce is legal here so it's easy for them to offer marriage, that plus the fact that since they're muslims, they're not monogamous. It means that if they can support you, they can marry more than one woman.) But, of course, being men (I guess it's the same in any part of the world) they will, eventually, ask for something in return or else, they will end the relationship. So... since day one, the girls I know have been going out. (Alright, not really day one but a few days after) Trisha is really just materialistic and is after the "goodies" she'll get and Maya is after... I don't know. Hahaha. Company, I guess. She has enough trouble at home with two men so she has her hands full but she has been lonesome lately so I understand. They keep asking me to come along with them for coffee and dinner but I don't join them. First of all, I will not ever date any other living man on this earth aside from your dada and second of all, if I do go out on "friendly" dates, I will only do it because I got to know the person on my own way not because he was referred to me or something. I'm not being righteous or anything, I just don't want them to think that way towards all Filipinas and that not all of us are users and freeloaders. If I do go out for coffee or dinner with a friend, I will split the bill 50-50.
So... why was I out tonight? Well, Maya bought a phone online on ibay.mv. It's a Nokia C3. A good phone with wifi and a cam but you know how I'm biased towards Sony Ericsson phones. Hehehe. Going back to my story... she met the seller downstairs from our flat and the guy asked her for coffee. So, she said she had friends waiting for her and the guy asked us to come along and that he'll bring a friend too. She went back to our flat and told us about it... Why did I come along? I was really bored. That's why. Hahaha. There's nothing to do in our place. The shared TV is in one of the other rooms since the living area is so small and there's no couch, so we don't watch TV and there' no wifi yet so we can't go online. All we've been doing lately (Trisha and me, at least) is play Plants vs Zombies on my netbook! Hahaha. So... I went with them for coffee...
It was a pleasant surprise because the men we met were locals yet they were very decent married men. Why did they ask us out? I have no idea but they're ok and could be possible friends. I wasn't talking at first but the other guy who looked a lot like a Maldivian santa was so warm and comfy, he got me talking about Male and our experiences. He taught us to say "less meerus" when we order out to make sure it's not too spicy. Then he said that they're opening a clothing store here for big people! Wow! That's exactly what I was looking for and God introduced me to the owner! They're opening by April and I said I will check out his store. He's cool and already offered me a discount. Perfect! Mousie, the seller, was so amused with us he said he'll drop off a Dhivehi dictionary for us one of these days. Who footed the bill? They did. I wanted to share but it was only for coffee and milkshakes anyway so, I let them. I didn't have money to share anyway even if I wanted to. Hahahaha.
It was an interesting night. I now have local acquaintances and I want to meet more... I'd like to have local girl friends though. I wonder how I'll do that...
I miss you, Kitchie... how about you? Will you be friendly? Will I worry about you when you grow up because you're always going out? Will you sneak out??? Arrgggghhhsss... I hope you don't do that. I never lied to nana about going out. I always asked for permission and always did it ahead of time. Tita Te and I always fought about that. I hate it when she asks for permission and she's leaving the same night! She doesn't come home on time and doesn't even text me where she is or who she's with. I don't understand why she doesn't. We've fought about a million times (not really a million but you know) but she never learns! Just before I came here we fought over her spending the night someplace and only told me thru text on the same day... and before that, they went to Sta. Cruz for some nursing duty and was supposed to be off by 6am but was still not home by 12noon the next day because they visited a friend's house and did not even bother to let me know. She's irresponsible and inconsiderate and doesn't care whether someone's getting worried about her. I hope she changes because she's already 25 this year and she's still that way. I mean, your Tita Te has changed in a lot of ways already but she still has a lot of growing up to do. I hope you don't take that long to mature. ;-) But don't think that I don't love Tita Te ha? I do. I love her so much I may just kill anyone who will lay a finger on her. She's my little sister and I will love her no matter what happens.
How's nana doing? Are you being a nice girl towards her? You must not give nana a hard time, ok? Do you know that nana's ancient??? Hahahaha. She's turning 70 on May... Sad because I won't be there to celebrate with her but I'll be there on her 72nd so it's cool... I'll just look forward to that. :) Love nana just like you would love me. She's the best mother in the world and I will try, in every way I can, to be just like her. She never made me feel less or bad about myself. She was always there when I needed her and always encouraged me to do my best. She gave me room to commit mistakes so I would learn, taught me about faith, love and life. She's an amazing cook and has been working since she was 19! Can you imagine that??? Nana's getting old, beb. You're blessed because you are now spending time with her. Her hands are getting weak and wrinkled. Her knees are always hurting because of her osteoarthritis. She just doesn't complain, because she never did, but I know it's very painful. She just won't stop moving! She's always scurrying around doing things... and then she'll go around again and start cleaning up! It's crazy but that's how she is. Enjoy being with nana because she's a wonderful woman and she loves you. Can you please hug nana for me now? Then whisper this in her ear:
"I love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living,
My mama you'll be."
I miss you all so much my heart aches.
Love forever,
Mama
Posted at 04:23 am by hiddenteardrop
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